Breasts, Boobs, Jugs, Knockers, Whatever You Call ’em—Let’s discuss…

This post was originally going to be about bra shopping, but I decided to make it more basic than that, because as much struggle as I’ve had shopping for bras, I’ve had a lot of trouble just dealing with breasts too, and I have to talk about that first. This subject might seem a tad vulgar to some, but it shouldn’t, because we all have them right? I mean, even men have boobs, so there really shouldn’t be any shame in talking about them, especially since most women have spent a portion of their lives thinking about having them, or not having them, or how to keep them from sagging, or why they grow, or shrink, or provide nourishment, or become infected with disease. Our breasts and our relationships to them make up a large part of being a woman for a number of reasons.

I’m busty, I developed pretty young, I am embarrassed to talk about it, but when I think about it, that seems silly since it’s something I had absolutely no control over. When I was ten my mom finally bit the bullet and told me I needed to start wearing a bra to play soccer, and I know she was long past due in that conversation. I was trying pretty hard to ignore my chest, especially since I was the only girl I knew with visible breasts at that age. It’s why I could never relate to Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret., it’s why I hated that book, particularly because I kept being told to read it. I hated stupid Margaret and how she thought boobs and periods were so great, because I wanted nothing more than to make them both go away so I could go back outside with my super-soaker and play until the street lights came on.

By Jr. High School I had started wearing a minimizer because I was embarrassed of my chest. Finally, I just said “screw it”, and at my ninth grade promotion dance I wore a delightfully goth brocade dress with insane cleavage, and I was proud. That is until I actually got to the dance and saw my peers, then I covered myself with a shawl for the rest of the night, but you know, it was still a statement for me at the time. I wish I had thrown off that shawl and made no apologies for my risqué ensemble, but I wasn’t there yet. I’ve gone through phases of showing and not showing cleavage and usually I feel more comfortable showing less. After working in an office for a few years I learned that if a woman shows cleavage, she is unfortunately not taken seriously at all. Which sucks, because if I saw a woman rocking some cleavage at a meeting I’d think “damn straight, wear that low-cut top, you look awesome!” but at the same time I wouldn’t feel comfortable wearing it myself. I know I’d feel the same way about a man who came in wearing incredibly tight pants, I think it’s great, but it’s not for me, and why should I care what someone else wears anyway?

It drives me nuts when people talk about boobs being distracting, because first off—control yourself, and second off, if you can’t look at a woman’s breasts and focus on what she is saying at the same time, you don’t only need to work on your self-control, you need to work on your multitasking. I can do it, I think women check each other out all the time, but then you look away, do it covertly, quickly, and be respectful. If I wear a low-cut top I know some people are going to look, and I’m not going to get pissed off about it, because we tend to hide our parts away so often that when we do show them, people stare, and I understand that. But you can also be polite, there’s a difference between a cursory glance and a glaring, perverted, unapologetic ogle. I hate when I see a girl in the subway tugging at her shirt to hide her cleavage, but that’s why I don’t wear low-cut tops. I hate that there are some people who think showing skin is an open invitation to stare, that it somehow forfeits basic courtesy.

When I do wear a low-cut top, I’m usually not doing it to be sexy, most of the time I do it because I have a cute new dress or top and I just don’t want to wear a camisole under it. Maybe I don’t have one that matches, or it just ruins the line of the dress, or it’s a million degrees outside, or maybe I’m just sick of it! If my boobs are prominently displayed, especially if it’s out in the city, I usually end up regretting it, because I don’t feel comfortable, or I don’t like being stared at. And I’m not saying “oh woe is me, I’m just so beautiful people can’t look away”. If you have ever taken the subway late at night (or even during the day) in any large city, you know it doesn’t take more than a crack of cleavage or a normal knee-length skirt to incite pervy stares.

Obviously a lot of women would like larger breasts, some get implants, or padded bras, and I’m not complaining here, I love my breasts, but it’s other people’s reactions to them throughout my life that have altered my feelings for them. I do like the way my cleavage looks, so maybe I’ll try to show it off more, because why not? I hate that us well-endowed ladies are taught to be embarrassed so early in our lives. I’ll never forget walking down the street in Manhattan with my parents when I was around eleven years old and having a guy shout out “can I get some fries with that shake?” I didn’t even know what it meant, but I knew to be mortified.

I always wonder if women who get implants feel more comfortable showing cleavage, maybe it’s just a personality thing. I hate that I let what I wear be dictated by other people’s reaction to my boobs, but that’s what is considered “decent” and as much as I try not to give a crap what others think, sometimes I just don’t want to deal with worrying about it, so I cover up. I know other women have these problems, I’m sure that small breasted women have this problem all the time too, because it extends to all of us, and it’s not just our breasts either. Somehow showing your body in our society has become an open ticket for tactless torment, and not just by men, there are plenty of women who see showing cleavage as brazen and slutty, and I’m not sure why, I just wish it would stop.

So what’s the solution? Should we all just show what we want, ignore the stares, and screw what everyone else thinks? Should we cover up to avoid uncomfortable ogling? I think it’s a personal choice, but I wish it wasn’t a choice that was so powerfully influenced by the reactions of others, and I can’t help but hope one day it won’t be.


Filed under acceptance

9 responses to “Breasts, Boobs, Jugs, Knockers, Whatever You Call ’em—Let’s discuss…

  1. haren

    I find it scary that there are so many young women out there who think that breast feeding is “gross.” That’s what they are there for girls.

  2. alison

    I think boobs are like hair for women, we always seem to want what we dont have…..

  3. Way to talk about breasts. Love this post.

    And Judy Blume was never for me, either, despite the fact that my breasts barely exist 🙂

    • Thanks Kate, it’s nice to know I wasn’t the only one who wasn’t crazy about those books. Maybe they were just out of date by the time our generation was forced to read them, especially with her references to “pink sanitary belts”, that just left me totally confused!

  4. Megan

    I hate the idea of cleavage, a normal part of female anatomy, being “distracting.” It is not a flashing neon sign or a siren or something, geez.

  5. jen

    Oh, this is so, so timely for me.

    Until just recently, I hadn’t bought a new bra in five years. FIVE FULL YEARS in the same two raggedy black bras. When I finally bit down and had myself measured, I was a full two cup sizes bigger than I thought I was. So I bought myself two standard, comfort bras and three mega-sexy ones, and I’ve been rocking the cleavage ever since. I think it has to do with finally feeling comfortable in the boob area, both physically and mentally.

    And you know what? If I’m comfortable, that should ideally be all that matters. Boobs are boobs, elbows are elbows, toes are toes. In a perfect world, I should be able to show a little or a lot of whatever I want without judgement or harassment.

    All this being said, I know that if I bike to work in a low cut t-shirt, I’m going to get a few stares. I dislike it, but I acknowledge it, and I’ll be damned if I’m not just gonna wear what I want anyway. It’s my body; no one has ownership over it but me.

    • Jen, great comment! I have to devote a whole other post to bra trauma because it has caused me so much stress and I still pop-out or drown-in all the bras I’ve spend WAY too much money on! You have given me hope that I may one day be comfortable, and find a bra that actually fits me, even with uneven boobs and narrow shoulders.

      I agree wholeheartedly with you on the whole “boobs are boobs” thing. People need to calm down and remember that for those of us who have breasts, we carry them around all day. They’re not just novelty, but a part of our bodies that we can show or not show when we want just like our ears or our knees—and if some think that gives them license to ogle, then I have license to think their rude!

  6. Carmela

    Great post! And I have always been embarrassed to show cleavage. Don’t know why, probably because my mother said it was vulgar when I was young. You definitely don’t get taken seriously in an office showing cleavage. I have only one low-cut dress in my closet, and I wore it to a wedding recently and someone called me “sexy mama” and then I was completely mortified!! Why, I don’t know– I’m a grown woman! And I totally agree with Haren’s comment. Breasts are for breastfeeding. People need to get over it already.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s