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Post-Wedding Daze

Guess what? I’m married!! Huzzah!

I never thought I would be taking a break from blogging for two full weeks, but the week leading up to the wedding got so crazy hectic that posting just didn’t happen. I spent this week walking around in a total daze after returning from our little honeymoon weekend on Monday night. It took me way too long to unpack and respond to all the nice e-mails, and then there were the pictures. Between my dad’s 300 hundred plus snapshots, facebook galleries of friend’s pictures and hundreds of others from various family and friends, I’ve spent most of the week clicking through sideshows. Just when I would sit down to be productive again, I ended up going back to look—just one more time, at the best night of my life so far.

I definitely suffered from some post wedding let-down, how can you not? Our culture forces this idea in to your mind:

“this is the BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE—ever! No seriously, you will not have as good a day for the rest of your life, it’s all down hill from here. You won’t get to have fun or be pretty again, not like this.”

Obviously that’s not true, and it runs in direct contradiction to the whole point of marriage, but that is the bill we’re sold from the beginning. Then you spend months planning every detail, and by the last few weeks everything has become saturated with wedding preparations. Finally the anticipation reaches fever pitch and you can forget about sleeping or relaxing. Once the day actually comes, it passes by faster than any other day in your entire life.

People told me it would go by fast, and I kept telling myself  “enjoy this, remember this”, but no matter how hard I tried, the whole thing ended up a beautiful, joyous, magical blur that was over in the blink of an eye leaving me with memories that feel like nothing more than the best dream I’ve ever had. All those smiling people, the people I love, the people I wish I could see more often, they were all there with me. There is definitely something heaven-like about your own wedding, it feels like a fantasy. Not only do you get to marry the person you love and commit to stay with them forever, but you get to be surrounded by all your favorite people, and wear a really nice outfit too, what more could you ask for?


You pretty much get to feel like the luckiest person in the world on your wedding day, and then it’s over and you go from being a fianceé, to a bride, to a wife in one day, and all the while you feel like exactly the same person. In some ways that’s the strangest part, all this hubbub and joy, all this talk of “crossing a threshold” and transcending, but when you get home from your honeymoon your cat is vomiting, and there is dirty laundry where you left it, and you and your new husband still dance around the kitchen singing in funny voices like idiots and you realize that you’re both the same people you always were. The only difference now is the affirmation that you have amazing, wonderful, generous, kind people all around you and that you’ve made the promise to be a goofball with your best friend for the rest of your life—and those are both truly things to be grateful for.

Forgive me for my recent lack of posts, and for not getting it together to do Beauty in the Movies this week, it will be back next week—scouts honor. I’ll share more pictures once they come back and do a more in-depth wedding post soon too!

*Special thanks to David Shazar for the great photos!!

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The Stress of Weddings

I’m getting married in 79 days. Writing that feels scary. I feel like it wasn’t too long ago that I had months to plan, but now it’s all come down to these last 79 days and suddenly I feel like each day flies by in an instant.

When I first got engaged everyone kept saying, “oh you must be so busy with the wedding” and “you’re probably so stressed out” and I kept wondering what the big deal was, it seemed so easy. We were so ahead of the game, we got engaged in June, I had my dress ordered by July and the venue booked by August, all that done with more than a year to go. There really wasn’t much to do after that—until now.


I know I’ve done a few other posts about weddings, but I can’t help having them on my mind, and in less than three months I’ll be married and I won’t obsess over them anymore, promise. I hate that I’m obsessing over this wedding at all, but it becomes a huge part of your life and for at least a few months, it occupies most of your thoughts. It had seemed so far away for so long that I can’t believe how close it is now, and it’s pure anticipation from here on out. In the next couple weeks all those final arrangements are being made and people are going to be asking me a lot of questions about things I’m not sure I know the answer to. For example, “what color would you like your chair covers”? I actually asked if I could just have the chairs without the covers, but you can’t, so I don’t really care what color they are. Details like that don’t worry me, I know all those trivial little details won’t really matter, and if they do matter to someone, I’m glad it’s not me. I’m more concerned about the weather, or nervously laughing during the ceremony, or not being able to walk in my shoes.

There is also all this stress about changing your name, I’m not sure why some women chose to keep or change their names, but needless to say it’s an incredibly personal choice. Since I am one of seven granddaughters, with no grandsons, I always thought I’d keep my last name. I like it, and it never occurred to me that I would want to change it. In spite of all that, I think I’m going for the hyphen, because I like my last name, but I like his too and it just feels right, much like the way it felt when we decided to get married in the first place. It will however involve paperwork, which brings me back to the stress.

When you’re involved in a wedding there’s a whole bunch of stuff to keep track of, and it’s not that these things are terribly hard, there are just a lot of factors working together. You have people coming from all over, you have to arrange a hotel, and transportation, and of course the guest list and seating chart. If you can afford to hire a wedding planner that’s fabulous, but if not, it can become a full-time job. While some of us can shake our heads and think, “that’s crazy, when I get married I’m doing ___ or ___”, you never really know until you start researching and planning for yourself. Trust me, these things can snowball, that’s how they work. Not to mention that even uttering the word wedding gets you charged extra on everything from flowers to music, people know there is money in weddings, and even a restrained event can cost you dearly.

People don’t seem to understand how expensive weddings are, especially in and around big cities. Getting married in Manhattan, or even the outer boroughs, can cost double what it would anywhere else. When we first got engaged I thought we’d have one of those beautiful little weddings you see in Real Simple or on Theknot.com, you know with ball jars as vases, mismatched table cloths, and everything handmade from etsy or by someones mom. I thought “we’ll be thrifty, we’ll be simple and different—do a buffet, rent a tent, it will be sweet”, and  you know what I discovered? It costs twice as much to have an event that appears laid back, quirky and handmade. Maybe if you have a lot of land, or a lot of people willing to help, you can do it on a low-budget, I’m not sure. I was shocked to see how much less expensive it is to have your wedding at a catering hall, and that’s what we chose, because I can’t spend all my time stressing about this, and I don’t want anyone else to either. It might not be a custom experience, but I’ll know that the people we’re trusting to hold our wedding have done this before and do it all the time, they know what they’re doing, and I don’t.

Getting married itself is stressful enough, all the pressure that “wedding culture” puts on to it just adds fuel to the fire. Even if you walk down to city hall and exchange vows in front of witnesses, it’s still a stressful event, because it changes your life even while things stay the same. The ceremony is deeply significant, whether you have a big party or not, that moment you exchange vows you’ve entered into something new. My name will change, all the sudden—boom, new name. I’ve seen it on facebook, and in the office, one day someone is Jane Doe and the next week she’s Jane Smith, or Jane Doe-Smith, and even though it’s the same person it denotes something has changed. In my post about my incredible bridal shower, I spoke about how the wedding craze that consumes America loses sight of what weddings and marriage are all about, I think the same thing happens when you get caught up in the planning.

I’m really excited to marry my fiancé, and I can’t wait to celebrate with all my family and friends, there will be so much mirth, so much enjoyment in just 79 days, I can’t wait. What I need is to keep telling myself that the stress will pass, and things will fall into place, it will be perfect in its imperfection. The favors won’t be elaborate or custom-made, the cake won’t be gourmet, and some people might think the ceremony is a bit different, but all that stuff doesn’t matter, because as long as all the big stuff comes together—we’ll be married at the end of the night, and that’s the least stressful part of all.

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