Tag Archives: marriage

Post-Wedding Daze

Guess what? I’m married!! Huzzah!

I never thought I would be taking a break from blogging for two full weeks, but the week leading up to the wedding got so crazy hectic that posting just didn’t happen. I spent this week walking around in a total daze after returning from our little honeymoon weekend on Monday night. It took me way too long to unpack and respond to all the nice e-mails, and then there were the pictures. Between my dad’s 300 hundred plus snapshots, facebook galleries of friend’s pictures and hundreds of others from various family and friends, I’ve spent most of the week clicking through sideshows. Just when I would sit down to be productive again, I ended up going back to look—just one more time, at the best night of my life so far.

I definitely suffered from some post wedding let-down, how can you not? Our culture forces this idea in to your mind:

“this is the BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE—ever! No seriously, you will not have as good a day for the rest of your life, it’s all down hill from here. You won’t get to have fun or be pretty again, not like this.”

Obviously that’s not true, and it runs in direct contradiction to the whole point of marriage, but that is the bill we’re sold from the beginning. Then you spend months planning every detail, and by the last few weeks everything has become saturated with wedding preparations. Finally the anticipation reaches fever pitch and you can forget about sleeping or relaxing. Once the day actually comes, it passes by faster than any other day in your entire life.

People told me it would go by fast, and I kept telling myself  “enjoy this, remember this”, but no matter how hard I tried, the whole thing ended up a beautiful, joyous, magical blur that was over in the blink of an eye leaving me with memories that feel like nothing more than the best dream I’ve ever had. All those smiling people, the people I love, the people I wish I could see more often, they were all there with me. There is definitely something heaven-like about your own wedding, it feels like a fantasy. Not only do you get to marry the person you love and commit to stay with them forever, but you get to be surrounded by all your favorite people, and wear a really nice outfit too, what more could you ask for?

You pretty much get to feel like the luckiest person in the world on your wedding day, and then it’s over and you go from being a fianceé, to a bride, to a wife in one day, and all the while you feel like exactly the same person. In some ways that’s the strangest part, all this hubbub and joy, all this talk of “crossing a threshold” and transcending, but when you get home from your honeymoon your cat is vomiting, and there is dirty laundry where you left it, and you and your new husband still dance around the kitchen singing in funny voices like idiots and you realize that you’re both the same people you always were. The only difference now is the affirmation that you have amazing, wonderful, generous, kind people all around you and that you’ve made the promise to be a goofball with your best friend for the rest of your life—and those are both truly things to be grateful for.

Forgive me for my recent lack of posts, and for not getting it together to do Beauty in the Movies this week, it will be back next week—scouts honor. I’ll share more pictures once they come back and do a more in-depth wedding post soon too!

*Special thanks to David Shazar for the great photos!!


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A Wedding Miscellany

I’m sorry to do another wedding post, but I have them on the brain. I am breathing, eating, and sleeping weddings recently. Whether it’s putting together my wedding play-list, ordering candy for our wedding candy bar, or painting bridal card boxes for others with upcoming nuptials, it’s a huge part of my life right now.

I’ve written before about the stress of planning a wedding, but there are so many things to keep track of that you can’t keep your mind from running all over the place, so this post might be a bit scattered, and I apologize for that.

All of the illustrations featured below are from an adorable little book my mom bought for me when I got engaged—it’s called The Little Big Book for Brides, and it has all sorts of cute advice, customs, and strange facts you never knew about weddings, here are some examples:

“Feed a cat out of your wedding shoe for good luck”—hmm, kind a gross, but I could try it!

“If in October you do marry , love will come but riches tarry”—this doesn’t surprise me at all, sounds about right actually. Darn.

My favorite part of this book is a whole long excerpt from an article entitled “The Instruction and Advice for the Young Bride”, it was published in an 1894 newsletter and it will blow your mind! For example:

“One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise, what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.”

Cracks. me. up. Here’s some more sage advice:

“Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. A good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end of the fifth year of marriage.”

I hope you’re listening ladies!

Moving on, today I am officially starting my pre-wedding diet. I know, I wrote a whole post about how I wasn’t going to let the pressure get to me and I wasn’t going to starve myself, but here’s the thing; I went for my final dress fitting and things changed. The good news is that the dress fits perfectly—too perfectly. It fits so perfectly that breathing is a bit of a problem. If I had money to spare I’d probably just let it out a little, but money is an issue, and the cost of alterations on bridal gowns are astronomical. So in the interest of saving a few hundred dollars, I have to cut back on my beloved cheese, ice cream, fried anything, and all the rest of my favorite foods. It’s just for a month, so I can handle it, and I just need to keep thinking about all the food I won’t be able to eat on my wedding day and my inability to dance if there is no room to move in my dress as motivation. So for the next month I’m counting points, snacking on carrot sticks and praying that come October 29th, I can breathe, move, dance,—and eat comfortably.

To those of you who are getting married soon, or planning on getting married soon, or have some kind of big party or event to plan in general, here is some advice—start planning now. Months ago, even a year ago, I kept poo-pooing things “oh, we have time” I’d say, and now I wish I could go back in time and knock myself upside the head. Not only do I wish I had taken care of some things earlier, but also, spending money in small bursts over a year is far easier than doling out large amounts all at once. So, if you see something you like—whether it be a wedding dress or favors, buy it, or at least bookmark it now, you’ll thank yourself later.

So, right now I have to order my favors, and research hairstyles and follow-up with the florist, the hotel, the venue, and so much more, and every phone call will hopefully soothe a bit of the madness, but really all I can hope is that I fit into that dress and actually get to eat some of my wedding cake, and of course, cheese.


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Beautiful Brides

I’m getting married in October, which means that for the past year I’ve been inundated with advice, suggestions, and checklists. My mother got me a subscription to Brides magazine, but I can’t even enjoy it, because aside from having 30 ads for every article, every issue stresses me out.

Once you and your partner decide to get married, the pressure comes out of nowhere. I am faced with worries over leg make-up, facials, waxing and tons of other stuff I can’t afford and I’m not really sure why I need. I am someone who loves cosmetics and dressing up, so if I can’t figure this stuff out, I can only imagine the amount of pressure on everyone else.

We must look perfect, and if we don’t it’s our own fault, we will be letting down not only ourselves, but our future husbands, and our families too. Of course it isn’t really true, and I know that, but sometimes it’s hard not to buy into the scare tactics that advertisers scream at you. The day I sent out our engagement announcement, my Gmail side bar filled up with ads on how to lose weight, get the perfect hair, find the perfect dress, and dozens of other promises for perfection on my wedding day. All this before it had even sunk in that I was engaged.

I’m not going to get into my feelings on weddings and the kind of wedding we are going to have right now because that’s for a whole other post, but we’re having a wedding at a hall and money is being spent. There is a lot of planning going into it, so of course you want everything to turn out alright, you want to be happy with it. I’m not talking about happy, meaning everything has to be perfect insanity on a bridezilla scale, I mean obviously lots of things are going to go wrong, that’s life. I just want to make sure that I feel good about myself, which in turn makes me feel selfish, because this whole day is about both my fiance and I, and I shouldn’t even care what I look like, but I do. I can’t be sure if it’s the fault of the bridal industry, or if it comes from an unconscious need, but yes, I want to look great on my wedding day. What bothers me is that people take that desire and exploit it when I should just be allowed to feel good without worrying about it. What’s worse is that they try to sell you products with the promise that if you use them you won’t have to worry, and if you don’t well…they told you so.

For example my hair has always been one of the things I liked about myself. I’ve had bangs for about 80 percent of my life, and now suddenly I am second guessing them. Not because I don’t like the way they look anymore, but because I have this irrational fear that my future-self might hate them and I’ll regret having them in my wedding photo. I know that is crazy, and maybe it stems from some previous sartorial and cosmetic missteps now permanently enshrined in family albums across the east coast, but It’s just that there is all this pressure.

I know I can’t blame all of this on marketing and magazines, but it does seem that as the wedding industry keeps growing, the need to feel like a beautiful bride is a huge selling point. People are shelling out thousands and thousands of dollars to ensure perfection (whatever the heck that means) on their big day. It’s so hard not to fall victim to the pressure, if I don’t starve myself I feel like I’m not trying hard enough, people will think I don’t care, because as the bride you are pinned at the center of this ordeal, everyone makes every effort to tell you you’re the center of attention. What if I don’t want to be the center of attention, what if I just want to get married and have lots of fun with my family and friends and celebrate with my new husband? I’m very grateful to be able to have a wedding, but I fear that the idea of the “beautiful bride” is put up on this standardized, imaginary pedestal, and I just don’t relate to that at all. Websites like Offbeat bride make me feel better about this, because I don’t fit, and I’m happy not fitting, the standard.

So, I’m going to pull the release and let all the pressure out, or at least try to. On my wedding day I may not have the perfect arms, or a golden youthful tan, but I will be me, and that’s who my fiance asked to marry anyway, so why pretend to be anything else?

The one thing I can’t shake being nervous about is that photo, the one that will be there for the rest of my life, sitting on mantles, representing my marriage and my youth, viewed by my future descendants, possibly the only image they will ever see of me. How could I not have high standards for that? I’ve looked at my parent’s wedding picture a thousand times, likewise for the wedding photos of most of my family members. I don’t know how they feel about their photos now, but it’s nice that it captures who they were at that moment in time when their whole life was changing. Maybe they look scared, or uncomfortable, or they’re wearing something they may regret, but all of them look happy, they look in love, they look like themselves, and because of that, of course they look beautiful, it’s that simple, no products needed.


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